Disclaimer: This is not a paid review, I will not receive any money from the seller, the supplier or the manufacturer for my review; nor if you decide to purchase because of the review.
Periods are ych a fi! It is the main reason to hate being a female. They are expensive. They are painful. They are (if you’re lucky) monthly. And they (most of the time) last for years.
I know there was a highly recommended documentary on Channel 4 with Davina McCall on Menopause. I still have yet to watch, but it’s on my planner. I have not reached that part of my life yet – but have been given a blow by blow of my mothers as she went through hers. Noice! I know it’s important to be prepared, and I am interested in what is to come (touch wood), especially the closer I get to it. But for now, I still have to deal with blood. And there is still a lot of it.
So let’s start with a bit of background….
It was 1997, and I was 14. I was in Y9 when mine began. I was also in school, but thankfully we were on break. I hated
using the girls toilets, but needs must. All my friends had already started, so I had been bringing pads with me for a while. Pads are gross. You have to see everything, they smell, and they are/were uncomfortable. I quickly got taught how to use tampons by my mother. She used Tampax with Applicator. I hated the applicators, always found them difficult to use. Can’t grip the shiny cardboard tribe properly. And I always seemed to catch myself with it. One day, in Y11 English, I got caught unawares. The girl I sat next to had some, she handed it to me stealthily, and I escaped to the closet toilet (which thankfully was just 4 doors away, but did have to go through the one-way corridor the wrong way). It was non-applicator. I kind of just started at it for a while, but it became my tampon of choice. It was so much easier to use (though open the plastic wrapper could sometimes be tricky depending on the dryness/greasiness of fingers). So from age 16 to 38, I did not stray from the Non-Applicator Tampon (wasn’t brand loyal, it was usually whichever were a £1 at the shop I was in, or “cheapest” if in a bind – I’m looking at you Spar!!).
They were so damn heavy when I was younger. Bleeding for longer than the 5 days they quoted, more regularly than the once a month we are all told it will be. I finally got my mam to agree to me taking oral contraceptive. Back when you needed parental permission, and you couldn’t see a GP alone if under 16. It was just before I turned 16. It was a blessing. Such a relief. But it made my migraines worse (they’re hereditary, you know – thanks Dad!). My dad, pretty much, has only had sick days for migraines. If I have one when I’m with him, he will always make a point of how much worse mine are than his. I need prescription medication sometimes! So after 5.5 years, I talked to the GP and they recommended the IUD. It helped. I had that for about 8 months when I got an infection (my brain is telling me it was a stomach infection, but that wouldn’t relate) and had to have it removed. I was told to be careful until could have another put back in. Husband#1 and I decided we’d see what happened, and 6 months later I conceived Beauts. Whether we were ready or not, didn’t really have a choice now! After having Beauts, I went on the mini pill and 17 months after giving birth, we conceived Pumpkin. After having him, and going for his 8 week check-up, I was advised by the GP to never use any type of contraceptive pill. Apparently due to my migraines, they pill could cause me to stroke. So gave me a prescription for the Mirena Coil. And would you believe it…? The pharmacy had to order it in because it was mainly for health reasons, not purely reproductive reasons. Yeah, I know!
The Mirena was amazing. I was warned it could go one of two ways – increase the pain and reduce the bleeding or reduce the pain and same bleeding. It reduced my pain, reduced my bleeding. I was over the moon! When I decided to have it taken out 3 years later (it had moved, and they advised removing & replacing, but had to wait a month for replacing, but husband#2 and I decided on trying for baby instead), my periods remained the same. Hardly any pain, and 3 days bleeding (medium, light, light) and 1-2 days of spotting; on a 23 day cycle. It’s brilliant, though cycle has reduced in length.
So, the past 22 years have been tampons, and a pad in a bind (I did wear pads at night when first started using tampons, then soon couldn’t be bothered). Since 2013, they’ve been so light compared with the previous years, a box of 32 has last almost 3 times as long than previously. But the menstrual cup was invented and I’d heard it’s environmental benefits, as well as the cost savings. So I eventually decided to give it a try. Beauts (walking in David Attenborough’s footsteps, she hopes) has become a bit of an environmentalist. A slightly difficult task on an island that doesn’t really have a recycling policy (kerbside recycling, what’s that?, they will ask). So I was also doing it for her. I’d gone into Boots to grab her some pads (she pulls faces to the thought of tampons, and the cup) and a box of tampons for me. Picked up their menstrual cup instead – size B, as if given birth. Twice.
I was at work, and thankfully had 2 remaining tampons. I hadn’t wanted to bring something I hadn’t used, or sterilised into work. Once I got home, I followed the instructions and put in a pan of boiling water for time specified. Wasn’t too long, about 7 minutes. Then I left to cool, as was too hot to remove! Dried, followed instructions on how to fold (two methods listed – I just pushed the sides together, making a U shape with the opening); squatted and inserted. Easy peasy. Wages hands, went downstairs, carried on making dinner. Couldn’t feel a thing. Aces.
My words to Beauts were… “you’d be proud of me. I bought a cup. You can’t feel it. At all. It’s amazing. You could kind of feel tampons, especially if in wrong. But not this, it’s ace” and this is where she tells me she is proud, by nodding with a smile on her face as I state why she would be proud, then scrunching her nose and saying she’d never be able to use because “eww, no. Not pushing anything up” or something to that effect!
Fast forward to bedtime. I wanted to go up early, in case of an issue, but time ran away from me. Husband#2 beat me into bed, so I took my time. Read the instructions on removal…. squatted but could not feel a thing! Panic. Real panic. Go into bedroom (we have an en-suite) and say “I think I need your fingers. It appears my vaginal canal is too long because I bought this menstrual cup and now I can’t get it out”. He was almost asleep and got stroppy that he had to get out of bed, saying “what did you do that for?”. I told him to go back to sleep and I’d deal with it myself. 30 minutes of reading what to do, tried again. Calm, but not calm enough. I could hardly get my one finger in, let alone finger and thumb to pinch and break seal! Decided it was tough, and I’d have sleep on it and call doctors in the morning. What harm would 6 hours sleep do?
Got up the next morning, and tried again. Still nothing. I could feel it, but could not break the seal to gently remove. Tried not to panic, could feel muscles tightening. So I just took a shower and thought about how I’d explain to work that I needed to go to A&E. I chuckled in the shower. Then just as I was about to get out, thought I’d give it one more try – what did I have to loose? Squatted in the shower cubicle. Got my finger to it, and with a little awkward hand positioning, got my thumb it it. Squeezed a couple of times, then tried pulling downwards. It moved! I think, did it? I don’t know. Try again. It moved, it moved, it moved again, and put it came. Cleaned it out, popped it back in. Decided that I bleed so little, taking out in the shower every 24 hours – I can live with that. I did try that night to remove, but my vaginal canal wasn’t playing ball, so stuck with plan of removing in shower in morning. I may look weird crouching in the shower, with boobs pressed into knees and my hand in a nuts position between my legs – but it works.
I’m going to guess as that part of my anatomy, my hands and my stress level (and thus muscles) get used to it; I will be able to find an easier way to remove. But for now, and considering I’ve only used for a 73.5 hour period (no pun intended), I’m impressed.
I would recommend the use of a cup (and my only female colleague thought my story of why I was late for work absolutely hilarious, said she wished my male boss had been in to hear it, and thought the idea of a reusable cup was 
ingenious). I would say read, reread, and reread the instructions again. Have backup sanitary products (pad/pant liner) in case you are heavy and you panic, like I did. If you think that you might have a long canal, maybe invest in longer cups (available online). Watch videos, read FAQs (I read these), and above all – learn to relax. I honestly believe because I had succumbed to the thought of going to A&E, I was able to do the removal myself. What’s to panic about when a professional has taken much worse out someone else’s special place? At least what I had up there was made for there!
Boots Menstrual Cup – Size B £17 (bought April 2021)
- Quality ~ good quality, and looks like it will last at least 5 years at a minimum – ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
- Ease of use ~ inserting, yes; removal, not so much (to begin with) – ⭐️⭐️⭐️
- Value for money ~ it was obviously more than a box of tampons, but the savings I will make outweigh initial layout – ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
- Coherent instructions ~ very clear and concise, but would have preferred some links if get into a panic (google is your friend!) – ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
- Overall ~ RECOMMENDED
Mama Needs a Drink! 