A year ago I started a bachelors degree in Arts and Humanities. I chose The Open University because attending an in person Uni was not something I felt I could do (mentally or logistically) and this felt like a way to finally do what was expected of me from a young age, as someone who excelled at anything scholastic and threw myself into studies but had not been able to go to uni due to life circumstances, I was finally going to say I had done it!
I wasn’t in a great headspace and focusing on studies actually really helped me pull myself up out of that (in combination with my amazing friends). But starting year two really opened my eyes to the fact that I had chosen this degree out of a desperation. I’d chosen that subject because it was the closest to what I ACTUALLY wanted to study out of a selection of subjects that was available through the OU, the reality being, I’d chosen the best out of a bad selection. Not something that sparked joy in me. And now that I wasn’t in the same headspace I’d been in the year before, it had started to add stress to my life instead of relieving it. Instead of helping me, it was harming me. And if I’m really honest with myself, part of the reason I’d chosen to start a degree in the first place was because the person I was dating left me with the impression that I wasn’t smart, I had no direction or goals for my life and I wasn’t good enough to commit to. And this felt like a “screw you, you don’t know me.”
Doing a degree for the sake of saying “I have a degree” or trying to prove someone wrong… not the right reasons folks!
It’s taken a lot of tears, conversations and taking chances on things I never thought would be options for me… I decided to defer my degree, which gives me more time to consider if I do want to go back to it, or if I’ll be calling it a day on that chapter of my history… but I can finally say that 2025 will begin with me being at peace with my choices, I’m so excited to see what happens! I’m pursing a career that I’ve genuinely wanted to do since I was 11 and always thought was out of reach and I’m even starting to write about my story and figuring out how to bring that to a screen. And the realisation that I don’t need a degree in Creative Writing to make that happen… I don’t need to let a lack of when stop me from writing… it has been a weight off my shoulders!
I think that if I do decide to give university another try, I’d like to be on a campus. I want to experience student life with other students rather than on my own. I’m a social creature! Who knows, maybe I’ll decide to do a performing arts degree, or maybe… I won’t do any degree! Whatever I decide will be a decision made for me, not for anyone else.
I wanted to write this for those people who might find that Uni isn’t for them where they are at in life. And to let them know they aren’t alone, that it’s ok. Find something that brings joy to your life and doesn’t drain it away.
K
Mama Needs a Drink! 